Author’s Note: The Rituals of Ridiculousness
Part of embracing Absurdism is the willingness—no, the duty—to create your own truth. Whether in the grand, spiraling thoughts of consciousness or the smallest, most mundane rituals of daily life, the key is to make meaning where none is prescribed.
For me, this means welcoming ridiculousness with open arms. It means weaving play and absurdity into the lives of my family at every possible opportunity—not as mere entertainment, but as a philosophy. Because in a universe ruled by Determinism, where free will is questionable and chaos is king, the only rational response is to laugh, invent, and participate in the joke.
So, alongside my deeper intellectual pursuits, I want to begin sharing these Rituals of Ridiculousness—the small but sacred practices that make the experience of existence just a little more enjoyable. Because in the end, embracing the Absurd isn’t just an option—it’s the only thing that makes this whole ride worth it.
Presidential Parking: An Essay on the Sacred Geometry of Parking Spaces
There are few truly universal human experiences, but one of them—perhaps the most overlooked and underappreciated—is parking. Every day, millions of people engage in this mundane ritual, each searching for a space that will dictate their day’s ease or frustration. But not all parking spaces are created equal.
Some spaces carry status, a quiet, architectural privilege bestowed upon the lucky driver who happens upon them. Some spaces punish, forcing one into tight squeezes or inconvenient hikes. And some—the rarest of all—are what my daughter and I have deemed: Presidential Parking.
Defining the Hierarchy of Parking Power
Parking, much like governance, follows an unspoken hierarchy of importance and security. While many see only a scattered grid of open and occupied spaces, those who understand the structure of power will see it for what it truly is: a territory of status and opportunity.
There are three distinct levels of parking quality, arranged in increasing significance:
Normal Parking – The vast majority of spaces. Unprotected. Vulnerable. Open on all sides, exposed to stray shopping carts, careless car doors, and the general chaos of the public. These are the parking spaces of the proletariat, where survival depends on luck and spatial awareness.
Vice Presidential Parking – A step up. One side is protected by a curb, reducing exposure to dings and wanderers. A front curb placement means you can pull through, which is good, but you’re still exposed on at least one side. Better than normal parking, but still not the peak of security.
Presidential Parking – The apex. The elite space. Curbs on three sides, creating a geometric fortress around your vehicle. A parking citadel, a space so rare and so profoundly protective that those who recognize it should park with reverence. It is not simply a parking spot; it is a privilege.
Why Presidential Parking Matters
Those of us who understand the sacred nature of Presidential Parking are bound by an unspoken duty. We must honor it. This means:
Utilizing the full space properly. No sloppy parking. No overhang. No disrespect to the symmetry of the spot.
Acknowledging the rarity of the find. If you secure a Presidential spot, it is a sign that you are chosen, if only for that moment. Act accordingly.
Respecting fellow Presidential Parking connoisseurs. If you see someone else taking full advantage of a Presidential space, acknowledge their wisdom. Perhaps a subtle nod of understanding.
A Call to Awareness
The world moves fast, and small joys—like finding a parking spot that provides the rare trifecta of security, ease, and dominance over the asphalt kingdom—often go unrecognized. But they shouldn’t. The act of mindful parking, of seeing and appreciating Presidential Parking for what it is, is a microcosm of a greater truth:
Some people walk through life unaware of the hidden systems that grant privilege and safety, while others recognize and maximize the opportunities they are given.
So, the next time you pull into a lot, look closer. A Presidential spot may be waiting for you. And if it is, know that it is yours not by accident, but because you were meant to claim it. Honor it. Park well. And know that somewhere, my daughter and I are nodding in approval.