There are many reasons to write a restaurant review.
Maybe you had an unforgettable meal. Maybe the service was impeccable. Maybe the atmosphere transported you somewhere else for an evening.
My reason is a little stranger.
A few days ago, a container of leftovers made its way home from a business trip to Kansas City. It sat in the refrigerator for four days while life happened around it. Then, on a random Saturday morning, I reheated the noodles in a pan on the stove and took a bite.
I immediately stopped what I was doing and said something along the lines of, “What in the world is this?”
The noodles were absurdly good. Not good for leftovers. Not good considering they were four days old. Just good. The kind of good that makes you suspicious. The kind of good that makes you feel compelled to find the restaurant online and leave a review despite never having actually set foot inside the building.
So, for posterity, here is my official review of Blue Koi from the perspective of a man whose mind was completely blown by the archaeological remains of someone else’s meal.
Five stars.
I have never actually eaten at Blue Koi.
Instead, I found myself on a random Saturday afternoon standing over a stove, reheating four-day-old noodles that had survived a business trip from Kansas City, several days in a refrigerator, and the relentless march of time itself.
Reader, these noodles were transcendent.
Whatever dark noodle sorcery is happening at Blue Koi should be studied by scientists. Four days. FOUR DAYS. Most leftovers become a meditation on impermanence by that point. These somehow evolved into a higher life form.
I stood there eating them straight from the pan, wondering if I had finally lost my mind or if these were legitimately the best noodles I’ve tasted in years.
I can only assume the original meal was incredible, because the archaeological remains of it were better than most fresh meals I’ve had recently.
If a restaurant can survive travel, refrigeration, time itself, and the questionable reheating methods of a middle-aged man in Oklahoma and still deliver a near-religious noodle experience, they’re operating on a different plane of existence.
Five stars from a guy reviewing the leftovers.
I haven’t even been there yet, and somehow I’m already a fan.