OKLAHOMA CITY — Following a historic championship campaign that stunned analysts, embarrassed several people who actually understand football, and permanently altered the balance of power within the league, First and Zen ownership is pleased to announce that preparations are officially underway for the 2026–27 fantasy football season.
Expectations are high. Obviously.
“Last season proved what this organization has believed from the beginning,” team leadership said in a prepared statement. “Knowledge of football is vastly overrated. What matters is chemistry, roster construction, trusting the process, and occasionally selecting a man because the percentage next to his name seems unusually large.”
First and Zen finished last season with the league’s best record before completing the journey with a championship, establishing what management hopes will become one of fantasy football’s least deserved dynasties. The organization enters today’s draft from the No. 3 position with one very simple objective: run it back.
Management has spent the offseason evaluating personnel, studying league trends, reviewing advanced metrics, consulting artificial intelligence, and maintaining absolutely no intention of learning what a nickel defense is. Sources inside the organization describe the current locker room philosophy as “relaxed but ruthless,” with players expected to embrace the same core values that carried First and Zen to the title: consistency, opportunity, statistical probability, healthy chakras, and scoring more fantasy points than the other team.
Team chemistry will once again remain a major emphasis. “We don’t want eleven superstars,” ownership explained. “We want sixteen men who understand that the self is an illusion, attachment creates suffering, and if you are listed as questionable on Sunday morning we will replace you without hesitation.”
The championship has, admittedly, changed expectations around the franchise. First and Zen can no longer operate as the lovable outsider innocently wandering through fantasy football without understanding what is happening. We are now the defending champions innocently wandering through fantasy football without understanding what is happening. That distinction matters.
There will undoubtedly be adversity. Injuries will occur. Waiver claims will be lost. Projected winners will lose. Players we draft enthusiastically today may be sitting on someone else’s bench by October. This is the nature of football, and also the nature of impermanence. First and Zen accepts both with serenity.
As draft day arrives, ownership would like to thank the league, our supporters, our analytics department, the ESPN waiver wire, and especially our opponents, without whom last year’s championship would merely have been a collection of meaningless numbers on a screen.
We look forward to another competitive season. We respect every franchise in this league. We fear none of them. And while repeating as champion is notoriously difficult, First and Zen enters the 2026–27 campaign guided by the same philosophy that brought the trophy home last year: release attachment to outcomes, trust the numbers, and talk shit anyway.
The path to enlightenment begins at Pick No. 3.
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